The Cat Code
(not to be viewed by humans under any conditions!)
1: A cat is an entity unto itself. It needs no one and wants nothing (a little canned food and a scratch behind the ear is nice though.)
2: A cat will never come when called. If the humans want something that bad, let them come to us.
3: Cats don’t stay, cats don’t fetch, cats will never beg (demand maybe, but not beg.) Cats will not do dog stuff, period. We has far too much dignid… dignet… self respect.
4: Wanton destrukshun of property is not merely fun, but an obligation, as ownership is evil. Besides, everything is mine anyway.
5: All moths must die! Flies too, the little bastards.
6: Store bought toys are an evil plot to curry favour and ultimately gain control over us. If you show you like them you will soon find yourself expected to jump and play on demand, or worse yet, “owe” your human something for their generosity. Avoid them at all cost, play in the box they came in (see item 7.)
7: Keep ‘em guessing. Perch on the top edge of a door and stare at them. Poop in strange places. Turn up your nose at food they know you like. Sleep all day then demand to play at 3am. Not only does this shake them up and discourage the idea that they have any control whatsoever, but it also generates concern and a willingness to do absolutely anything to assure you are OK and happy.
© Dory Kween Scott, 2012